The Three Fishermen and the Mermaid
Three fishermen were fishing when they came upon a mermaid, the mermaid offered them one wish each so the first fisherman said: “double my I.Q” so the mermaid did it and to his surprise he started reciting Shakespeare.
Then the second fisherman said: “triple my I.Q.” and sure enough the mermaid did it and amazingly he started solving math problems he didn’t know existed.
The third fisherman was so impressed he asked the mermaid to quadruple his I.Q and the mermaid said “Are you sure about this? It will change your whole life!” the fisherman said “yes” so the mermaid turned him into a woman.
Why Fishing is better than making love
* When you go fishing and you catch something, that’s good.
If you’re making love and you catch something, that’s bad.
* Fish don’t compare you to other fishermen neither.
And don’t want to know how many other fish you caught.
* In fishing you lie about the one that got away.
In loving you lie about the one you caught.
* You can catch and release a fish, you don’t have to lie, and promise to
still be friends after you let it go.
* You don’t necessarily have to change your line to keep catching fish.
* You can catch a fish on a 20-cent frozen squid.
If you want to catch a woman you’re talking dinner and a movie minimum.
* Fish don’t mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing.
Once upon a time ….
The difference between a fairy tale and a fishing story is that a fairy tail begins with: “Once upon a time…” and a fishing story begins with: ” This ain’t no bullshit…”
Teach a Man to Fish…
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.
Womens version:
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish – and you’ve got the whole weekend to yourself.
Women vs Game Warden..
A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn;
the wife preferred to read.
One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book.
Along comes the Game Warden in his boat, pulls up alongside and says, “Good morning, Ma’am. What are you doing?”
“Reading my book,” she replies as she thinks to herself,
“Is this guy blind or what?”
“You’re in a restricted fishing area,” he informs her.
“But, Officer, I’m not fishing. Can’t you see that?”
“But you have all this equipment, Ma’am. I’ll have to
take you in and write you up.”
“If you do that I will charge you with rape,” snaps the
irate woman.
“I didn’t even touch you,” moans the warden.
“Yes, that’s true… but you have all the equipment …”
Moral: Never argue with a woman who knows how to read!
A redneck was stopped by a game warden recently with two ice chests of fish. He was leaving a cove well known for its fishing.
The game warden asked the man, “Do you have a license to catch those fish?”
“Naw, sir, I ain’t got none of them there licenses, no. You must understand these here are my pet fish.”
“Pet fish?” said the game warden.
“Ya. Every night I take these here fish down to da lake and let them swim ’round for a while. Then I whistle and they jump rat back into this here ice chest and I take them home.”
“That’s a bunch of hooey! Fish can’t do that!” says the warden.
The redneck looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, “It’s the truth Mr. Government man, I’ll show you. It really works.”
“Okay,” said the game warden, ” I’ve GOT to see this! And if it doesn’t work I am going to throw the book at you.”
The redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited.
After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, “Well?”
“Well, what?” said the redneck.
The warden said, “When are you going to call them back?”
The redneck said, “Call who back?”
“The FISH!” replied the warden.
“What fish?” answered the redneck.
Three anglers meet as usual, at their own dedicated spot, on their favourite beach, at 5am on a Saturday morning.
The first one says: “Guys, this early morning fishing is getting harder and harder to do! I had to swear to the wife that I would repaint the kitchen tomorow, and then only did she agree to let me go.”
The second angler says: “Huh, that’s nothing, I had to promise my wife a whole new bedroom in order to get to go fishing today!”
The third chap explains: “Lads, your technique is all wrong: I wake up at 3.30am and I the I nudge the wife with my elbow and say:”" Fishing or sex?”_ “This morning her answer was:”"Don’t forget to take an extra sweater!”
Bobby Lee and Jimmy decided they was ready to go fishin and catch some big uns. They loaded their ole Ford with their tackle and ventured down to the local fishcamp to rent a boat.
Once on the lake the good ole boys started catching them there bass one after another and filled up that ole rowboat. Jimmy hollered to Bobby Lee to mark da spot so they could come back tomorrow. Bobby Lee said: “Consider it done Jimmy!”
It was gettin’ kinda late so they headed back to the fishcamp. After beaching the boat and unloading all their tackle Jimmy started gettin’ red faced and hollered at Bobby Lee once again: “Bobby Lee, What’s this big ole “X” taped to the bottom of the boat?”
Bobby Lee grinned proudly: “Jimmy, that there is my ‘lectric tape marking our honey hole. Kinda smart dontcha think?”
Jimmy turned even redder and hollered even louder: ” Dag blessed Bobby Lee! It’s gonna be real busy and all tomorrow here at this fishcamp and we probably won’t even git the same boat!”